I confess; I watched the NFL.
It was worth it to see the Saints' Drew Brees win the battle of the ancient quarterbacks. Who dat? It was the befuddled Tom Brady, wearing a Bucs uniform whose helmet didn't seem to fit right.
The empty Superdome was spooky, although I didn't miss the guys wearing bishops' hats and those dressed like Elvis.
It was also strange to see Jameis Winston in a Saints uniform on the sidelines, looking like he'd eaten some bad crab legs.
At the same time, I switched to watch rookie Joe Burrow, 20 years younger than Brees and Brady, deliver a sterling debut, giving the woeful Bengals a shot of energy despite a couple of bonehead plays.
After LSU's national champion quaarterback and Heisman Trophy winner led a thrilling last-minute drive, the Bungling Bengals' bad karma bit them again.
I've never seen a kicker get hurt kicking until the Bengals' Randy Bullock came up lame in missing a game-tying field goal with seconds left. Maybe he was rattled by the silence of the stadium.The Chargers escaped with a 16-13 win.
Along with getting rid of the ball sooner, Joe can work on his beard.
Meanwhile, the Falcons again didn't seem to understand that the point of football is to win. Matt Ryan threw for mega yards, Julio Jones and Calvin Ridley made catches, and Todd Gurley was OK, but it was like watching meaningless maneuvers.
Leading the Seahawks to victory, Russell Wilson showed that only Patrick Mahomes is a better quarterback.
As the afternoon progressed, I found myself seeking the results from around the league. Hey, I've loved NFL opening day since the days of Vince Lombardi and when the Colts were still in Baltimore.
The Washington team with no name upset the Eagles. The heat was hot and the ground was dry, and the air had no sound.
Cam Newton took to Belichick. The early leader for comeback player of the year. Looks like the Pats will survive without Brady.
Gardner Minshew's Jags beat Philip Rivers' Colts. And I thought Rivers was still with the Chargers.
The Arizona Cardinals knocked off the 49ers, as smoke filled the air.
Mike McCarthy continued the Cowboys coaches' tradition like no other.
Jon Gruden's Las Vegas Raiders edged Christian McCaffrey and the Panthers.
And I'd wanted Teddy Bridgewater to lead the Saints and for Brees to retire. Hope they like football in 100-degree heat.
The Packers' Aaron Rodgers also made a bid for the best quarterback sweepstakes, but I didn't notice any Allstate commercials.
The Vikings are one of those NFL teams that always seem spinning around. The curse of Fran Tarkenton? Ask your grandfather, kids.
Speaking of spinning, the Jets fell to the Buffalo Bills, whom I thought had joined the Canadian Football League.
The Rams' futuristic stadium looked like something from a sci-fi movie as wildfires burned throughout the West. Jared Goff showed he's better than Carson Wentz, who again made Eagles fans wince.
The Browns and Baker Mayfield bombed again as Lamar Jackson excelled with passing more than the run.
The Bears kept the Lions' tradition of futility going. Trubisky! Where have you gone Dick "Night Train" Lane? Not to mention Alex Karras.
Perhaps this is what the NFL has wanted all along: games without fans, as if played in a TV studio.
Is there a 12-step program for the NFL?